I blame Twitter. After being sent a link to an intriguing product in the depths of Amazon, I got sucked into a world of bizarro goods and their reviews.

Check out ten of the best with a taster of their reviews. And make sure you've got nothing planned for the next hour or so.

1. Grim Reaper on Skeleton Horseback Life-Size

I agree with the previous reviewer about this being a great addition to any kid's room, but did you parents know that this lovely figurine ALSO readily converts into a nightlight?! 2 large Christmas bulbs fit *perfectly* inside the reaper's eye sockets (I recommend red), and the string is easily hidden behind the cloak so you're not left with any unsightly cords.

All I can say is, this is NOT an appropriate item for a hospice ... lesson learned--the hard way!

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2. Uranium Ore

Ran out of toothpaste, and remembered how you're supposed to be able to use baking soda to clean your teeth, so of course, I accidentally used this instead, and Wow! all I can say is, my teeth have never been cleaner! They sparkle, they tingle, and for some reason, they STAY clean now, no matter what. Highly recommended!

Truth be told, I ran out of buttocks ointment. I was really chafed and irritated after a long day of wearing my new dungarees. The high humidity did not help. In my predicament I was willing to try anything for relief. I swabbed a two finger amount of this Uranium Ore on the effected area, and was pleasantly surprised of its instant relief qualities. It glowed a little through my pants, but other than that, no noticeable problems.

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3. Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon

Not only does this thick Tuscan Whole Milk, 128 fl. oz, do a body good, but also makes the most convincing milk "moustache" in the business, with actual hair in it.

After a long hard week full of days he would burst through the door, his fatigue hidden behind a smile. There was an icy jug of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz in his right hand. With his left hand he would grip my waist - I was always cooking dinner - and press the cold frostiness of the jug against my arm as he kissed my cheek. I would jump, mostly to gratify him after a time, and smile lovingly at him. He was a good man, a wonderful husband who always brought the milk on Friday, Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz.

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4. Wedding Chapel - 10 x 18 With Wood Roof

Although I chose not to go for any of the extras - a mirror ball in the vestry and a tiger skin-print font are too 'modern' for my conservative tastes - I was still surprised that this item came with a complete Hillbilly family inside.

Well, I for one, am dissapointed..my chapel arrived, but it was just a bunch of wooden planks...abut 178 of them to be exact...I asked the UPS guy to help me assemble it and he just stared at me. (I think he was a bit pissed off having to haul so many peices of wood up to my door step) Well, alas, now me and my fiance have to wait another 2 months until I can put this damn thing together. She is getting pretty impatient. If worse comes to worse I'll just forgo the roof and we'll have an outdoor wedding.

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5. Wolf Urine Lure-32 oz

One is immediately drawn to this vintage by the colour, which is an elegant, pale straw hue with an appealing peachy fruit on the nose. It has an incredibly effervescent bead -- the whole glass teams with bubbles -- culminating in a frothy layer at the head.

Today is Valentine's Day and I hoped that a little splash of this would drive my lady wild. But alas... I sleep alone again. Also I keep hearing all this howling outside my bedroom.

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6. Deer Rear

This is one hot and steamy Deer ass. Dont be fooled by imitations. This is the authentic ass of a deer. If you have ever found yourself out hunting alone. You know that sometimes, when looking down the scope of your winchester rifle, the ass of a deer looks mighty fine.

On a hunch, I bought one of these for my weird old Uncle Crotty, who lives in my mom and pop's attic. He'd been having problems and was trying to bite through his chains, but Pop says that since he's received the Deer Rear, he's happy again. Crotty has even stopped leaving funny stains on the carpet and begun writing Muzak for the Otis Elevator Company. Who could ask for more?

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7. Laparoscopic Gastric Bypass

This is an awesome product. I have performed my first two bypasses using this kit (on myself of course), and I have lost over 200 pounds. There was some initial bleeding that occured, and I needed to be rushed to the emergency room due to "severe internal hemorrhaging" but the three week stay was well worth the cost I saved by doing my own bypass.

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8. How to Avoid Huge Ships (Paperback)

This book lacks criteria for discerning between huge ships and merely really big ships. Some well-designed lists, charts or colorful pop-up sections would have been nice for readers who were unsure what size of ship they were avoiding.

This is a must-read for anyone who encounter huge ships daily and do not want to get run over by them. I found this book extremely helpful. To this day, I have never been run over by a single huge ship!!

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9. WHAT ARE THESE STRAWBERRIES DOING ON MY NIPPLES?

I had been trying to figure out how the strawberries got there after my frequent blackouts, and this book answered that question for me AND told me where to hide the bodies. Thanks Vanessa!

I had hoped this would have advise for handling situations where one finds strawberries on various parts of their anatomy. I've had strawberries on my buttocks for some time now and don't know what to do. Unfortunately this book focuses solely on the nipples. Hopefully the author will pen a followup.

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10. Playmobil Security Check Point

I was a little disappointed when I first bought this item, because the functionality is limited. My 5 year old son pointed out that the passenger's shoes cannot be removed. Then, we placed a deadly fingernail file underneath the passenger's scarf, and neither the detector doorway nor the security wand picked it up. My son said "that's the worst security ever!".

This toy would be a lot more realistic with about 350 people standing in line for an average of an hour. It still makes a nice set with the interrogation room.

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That's yer lot. Now put down the credit card and step away from the keyboard.